Stop Emotional Abuse So You Can Build Better Relationships
I have a story to share with you today. Something happened this morning that made me reflect rather deeply about myself. I gained a new perspective on emotional abuse.
The weather was freezing out, but I had to take the train to work. I was running late, because I never know what to wear and waste time in front of the mirror trying to decide.
Yup – I’m one of those people.
As I got to the station, the train I was to catch was just pulling away! Gosh, why today?
Well, it was only a 10 minute wait until the next one but when you don’t enjoy the bitter cold it can feel like taking a stroll naked in Antarctica.
I observed a guy in his 30’s, texting intensely on his phone. He kept sighing and tapping his right shoe against the metal pole of the seat in the waiting area.
Never looked up for a single second. He was fixated what he was doing. Frustrated as ever.
We got on the train and funny enough we ended up sitting across from one another. I watched him intently as he dialed a number.
This made me curious and nosy. I was interested in eavesdropping hoping to hear what had gotten him so worked up.
I heard the beep sound – it had gone to voicemail. DRAT!
He spoke into the phone saying these exact words – “I know you still don’t want to talk, it has been two days. I said I was sorry. I was wrong, but you ignoring me is far more painful than what I did to you.”
He hung up the phone, lifted his head and made eye contact with me. His deep green eyes were not only sad and tired, but red and swollen from tears or lack of sleep I assume.
I thought gosh, whoever is doing this to him must be a real a-hole. I don’t approve of psychological punishment.
Why Am I Telling You This?
Well, just like a slap in the face – it hit me. I was guilty. I have done the exact same thing! Maybe even hurt someone the same way as this guy was hurting.
Giving the silent treatment for long duration is a form of emotional abuse. Yes, life is hard. Figuring out the ideal way to deal with issues is not always easy.
Some say it works and is effective. I see it as a bad habit. It is a good weapon of choice because it’s powerful.
A form of inflicting pain without visible bruising.
If you are regularly giving friends, partner, family members this way, you need to stop the emotional abuse.
Reasons People Give The Silent Treatment
- Deliberately trying to hurt or punish you
- Want full control of the situation
- Are avoiding a confrontation
How do you deal with and practice effective communication?
If one or both of you need space, establish that. You need to have patience, which is hard when you are hurt and angry. I am no saint, so exercising patience when I am ticked off is hard!
If someone is purposefully trying to hurt you through the silent treatment and acting out of malice, analyse the situation. Remember, this is emotional abuse and the relationship is unhealthy.
There is a lack of effective communication and you need to decide whether it is a relationship you want to grow or walk away from. This does not only apply to spouses but friends, colleagues and acquaintances.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you or make you feel like you don’t matter. You do.
5 Ways To Stop Emotional Abuse And Practice Effective Communication
We say one thing, the other person hears something else, and misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts ensue.
Fortunately, you can learn how to communicate more clearly and effectively.
- Agree that it’s okay to disagree
- Actively listen
- Be present
- Find your voice
- Be honest but mindful of the feelings of others
It is important for you to understand the emotion and intentions behind the information.
Practice effective communication Daily
It is a learned skill and the glue that helps you deepen your relationships and connections to others.
Make people feel better after being in your presence.
You and those around you will be more respectful of one another and you will see your relationships flourish. The more I want to better myself, the more life gives me the opportunity to do so by putting me into situations that allow self reflection.
If you think this post will help others, please pin and share the knowledge.
Are you able to convey information to people clearly and simply, in a mature and fair way?
How do you practice effective communication? Please share with me in the comments section below.