5 Reasons Why Judging Others Is About You

May 12, 2016 87 comments
5 Reasons Why Judging Others Is About You

Judging Others Says A Lot About Who You Are

 

You may or may not know this but I suffer from OCD. Why am I telling you this? Well, most people do not know that I am a counter. I have such good control over it, that it goes completely unnoticed. Judging others is something that happens everyday. I try not to judge but sometimes I just can’t help it.

Do you ever think something about a person you don’t know and then later wonder if you were wrong?

I have moments like that. Then I sit and wonder feeling bad about doing it. Realizing also that many people may have been judging ,me all day. Incorrectly.

Let me start by asking you this question – How many people have you judged this week?

Two? Three? Five to ten? Too many to count? – None? (You are a saint!)

We have all judged and been judged. It might be over small things, or over bigger issues. Regardless, we do it. The question is why?

We use other people as mirrors on which to base our essential view of the world and ourselves.

That is the exact reason why it is so easy for us to judge others. 

Here are the reasons why judging others is about you…..not the person you are judging!

 

1. The Way You Feel About Yourself

Do you ever judge someone then realise you do the same thing? Yes?

This is because often our judgement on others show our weaknesses, soft-spots, and insecurities. Most judgments we make about people are based on lack of information.

We make assumptions and judgments based on what we see, not on facts.

 

2. You Do It To Make Yourself Feel Better

Admit it. It feels good to judge people at times. I’ll give you an example.

You are out somewhere in public with your toddler who just happens to be on his/her best behaviour. No crying, no meltdowns and tantrums, lots of smiles, hugs and kisses.

A few meters (or feet) from where you are, you spot a mom with a toddler – hers is screaming and crying, rolling on the floor, has juice running down the front of his shirt and you think to yourself, “hmmmmm….I must be doing a GREAT job as a mother. Better than her.”

You smile to yourself, then to your little “angel”. Judgement.

 

3. Mind Programming

I believe you teach your mind what to think and repeat back to you.

If everyday you tell your mind you are fat, every day that is what you will think to yourself and believe.

Tell your mind you are fantastic, and you will believe it (don’t overdo it on this one – for risk of sounding too cocky)!

Speak positive affirmations to yourself and watch your confidence increase.

Mind programming is probably the biggest reason we judge others based on their outer appearance.

We make assumptions about them and about their lives based on what the media has planted into our minds.

For example: being thin and beautiful = success. Affluence = happiness.

Being poor = unworthy or not relevant.

Even though in your hearts you know this is untrue, our minds bring us to judge those who do not live up to our ‘standards’.

 

4. Bonding Through Insecurity

You have surely felt insecure about something or another.

We discuss people to feel better about ourselves. This is highly noticeable among middle and high school kids. Sadly, some continue this habit into adulthood.

When you talk about someone else, most people will willingly join in the conversation to add their two cents.

This is where a sense of bonding comes in with judgment.

 

5. Lack Of Information

Most times, you are judging people you see out in public. At a restaurant, grocery store, shopping mall, drivers on the road, etc.

People you know anything about.

You have no insight into why they dress, act, or talk the way they do.

All you know is that you see something about them that you consider being ‘wrong’, ‘different’ or ‘inappropriate’ – and in walks in judgement.

 

What Are The Consequences Of Judging Others?

When you judge others it can make you feel worse about yourself.

You hurt other people.

It can perpetuate stereotypes.

You increase negativity in your heart and in what you put out into the world.

 

'Don't judge choices without understanding the reasons.'Click To Tweet

 

What Can You Do To Judge Less?

Since you cannot stop this altogether, you can take action when you find yourself judging.

When you hear yourself criticizing someone, take a step back and ask yourself, do I see these traits in myself? Do I exhibit the same behaviour?

What do I know about this person? Am I being fair?

This is what is often called a pattern interrupt, which is a  technique to change a particular thought, behavior or situation.

Remember how it feels to be judged. It doesn’t feel good to judge or be judged. Try to remember this the next time you are judging or criticizing. 

Try to open the door of your heart to expand your awareness and self-acceptance. Make people feel better about themselves because of you. 

We all have a story. You never know when you might find yourself walking in the very shoes of a person you have judged.

Do you find yourself judging others?

Or are you constantly being judged by family, friends and co-workers?

Share your experiences with me below.

 photo sheri_zpsftwufydo.png

Judging others says a lot about who you are as a person. How many people have you judged this week? One? Ten? None? Click through to read more about what judging others tells people about you.
87 comments

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87 comments

Sumit Surai August 22, 2017 - 22:05

I must say I agree with you a lot here. Great post. And good analysis.

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Bites for Foodies August 21, 2017 - 08:05

These are all so very true, although I do believe judging is part of human nature. I think it’s important to at least be aware of the times that we are judgemental and understand the reasoning behind it.

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Emily August 8, 2017 - 17:43

Totally agree! Don’t judge people
You never know what they’re going through!

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Jenni Petrey August 6, 2017 - 03:07

Totally agree. People judge me and my children all the time based on a one off encounter when my children are at their most vulnerable and it has to do with the lack of information or their perceived idea of what autism looks like. I am happy to say that since being on our autism journey I am much more tolerant of others and open to new ideas.

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Brittani | Coffee Toddlers and Chaos August 5, 2017 - 15:58

This is such a great post. Being a Military Wife, this happens so much within the Military community and it’s really sad to see. Though I know I’ve definitely judged someone for something, unintentionally only to have my husband look at me and say, you do the same thing sometimes.

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Ebony Hinton August 4, 2017 - 20:13

Great read because i just had a converataion like this. I always say everyone judges to some extent, its only when we here the judgement that our feelings are hurt. Most of can dish it, but not take it.

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Kellie August 4, 2017 - 16:29

This is absolutely true. I tend to judge people who are ignorant and don’t seek to find the answers. I need to work on that.

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candy August 4, 2017 - 04:27

I think the lack of information is a huge problem with judging. It’s so hard because we are all different. From my opinion we can coexist with those differences. Maybe it’s fear that someone’s “wrong” will harm a “right”. IDK. Taking the time to talk and learn clears up a lot of the tension. Great post.

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The Truth About Being In An Interracial Relationship July 17, 2017 - 08:28

[…] Dating outside of your race might show that you are open-minded, however, it won’t put a stop to prejudice or judgement. […]

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Natasha April 2, 2017 - 21:52

Very reflective article. I certainly catch myself doing this and take a step back and question myself. Def things I need to work on.

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Erin Creeks April 2, 2017 - 15:51

I like #4. That’s something I don’t think about but it’s very true that misery really does love company. I like everyone else try not to compare myself to others but this is a great read to keep perspective.

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Tonya B April 1, 2017 - 09:29

This is a real eye opener! It does start young and continues into adulthood, I try not to judge others, but sometimes it seems like instinct to do so. Thanks for bring this to light, not many people will talk about this subject.

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Marisa April 1, 2017 - 08:31

You make so many great points. I never thought of it that way. But im totally ocd. So i can relate.

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Marie Barber April 1, 2017 - 02:17

Its so important to not judge people and to teach our children the same, having two kids on the autism spectrum ans other life experiences has taught me to stop and think before i judge, i think most of us have felt judged in our life and that isn’t a nice feeling, however their are certain situations where you need to judge and i think some people find it difficult to distinguish between the two.

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lifesmoments16 March 31, 2017 - 22:57

This is all valuable advice. I try my best to not judge others. However, you’re right it does usually say more about me when I do find myself being guilty of it.

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L.C. @ A Life of Authenticity March 31, 2017 - 14:42

You are right, sometimes judging people is so innate that we don’t realize we are doing it. But it is definitely something we (I) should work on!Thanks for sharing.

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zim March 31, 2017 - 11:57

That is so true! Most people we tend to judge to quickly have a story to tell, a story that could set the record straight and shame all of us for our judgemental ways.

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Houx January 31, 2017 - 19:17

I love this post! I think you nailed it. After reading this is realize I do judge a bit whether I do it vocally or in my mind and it reflects how I feel about myself sometimes. I never realized that.

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Felicia January 31, 2017 - 11:39

This is great post! It’s important to explore why we say or think certain things and work hard to make our attitudes more positive

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creativethriftychef January 31, 2017 - 11:29

These are all so true, You know I always tell my kids you can never judge someone just because of how they look because sometimes people do surprise you in so many ways.

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Amrita Basu January 30, 2017 - 23:25

You have a real knack of writing about psychosocial issues.I have lost count of the number of people I have judged this week

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Sheri @ A Busy Bees Life January 31, 2017 - 17:59

Thank you for the compliment and feedback Amrita. We are all guilty of judging, but hopefully when we catch ourselves doing it, we can redirect those thoughts. Have a wonderful day, Sheri.

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imagineyourart January 27, 2017 - 21:00

These are all so true. As human nature we automatically judge someone by their appearance, when we have absolutely no idea about them or their lives and vice versa

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Andrea Broom January 27, 2017 - 14:38

I totally agree, when we are judging others we are just noticing the imperfections in our own lives and instead of facing them we pick point others.

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Tasheena @ SimplyTasheena.com January 27, 2017 - 11:33

Great post! I agree, sometimes we as people are so easy to judge situation without knowing the reasoning behind it.

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jadoreledecor January 27, 2017 - 11:07

Judging others is an unfortunate trait of imperfections. And it’s sooo hard to eliminate it completely. When I’m tempted to judge someone, I think of the words at Matthew 7:1,2 “Stop judging that you may not be judged;for with the judgement you are judging, YOU will be judged”. That usually brings me back down to earth.

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Walk One Day In Our Shoes October 22, 2016 - 07:22

It’s easy to pass judgement on others. If I have a bad encounter with an individual and that is my first encounter with them, I tend to pass judgment as well. If I have a negative first encounter with someone I feel that they don’t care about how others perceive them – and that is where my judgement is passed. Thanks for sharing.

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Jennifer October 21, 2016 - 12:24

Judging others is something I’ve been working on for over a year. When I find myself judging someone, I stop the negative thought and ask myself why do I feel this way. I even practice this with my children. When I find them being judgmental, I tell them to take into consideration all of the facts before judging the person. Really good tips!

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Michelle Malone October 21, 2016 - 08:45

I am guilty as charged…been there. As an adult, I find myself trying to ascertain why people are in certain situations rather than turning my nose up. Gossip is a nasty habit. It’s just like smoking,or biting your nails. It comforts you at the moment, but makes a mess down the rooad.

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Adeola Naomi October 21, 2016 - 08:35

We all judge others and it is totally a healthy thing to do in your head as long as you don’t voice it out without thinking thoroughly.
We judge for the above reasons and many more but we also judge ourselves, so when we find the compassion for ourselves we will be much more compassionate toward others.

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Joanae October 21, 2016 - 06:48

Judging other people is for the unhappy. You never know what demons people are dealing with.

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LaQuisha Hall October 20, 2016 - 23:12

Lack of information is the best reason on this list! Many judge and don’t know why. This article breaks it all down! Thank you for sharing.

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MUAKimPorter October 20, 2016 - 21:44

This is a great piece. I judge people. I think most humans do it, but not purposely. I do think it’s for some of the reasons you mentioned.

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Antoinette Cain October 20, 2016 - 19:31

This is so on point. I believe that we either judge what we’re afraid of or things that we see in others that we don’t like about ourselves.

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Eva October 20, 2016 - 16:11

Luvvie has a book called “I’m Judging You.” That goes into many reasons why people are judged for things that they think and share online. Seems like these days everyone has an opinion, and isn’t shy about sharing it, even though it makes us make up our minds about them… judge whether we want to be bothered with them or not.

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Raquel Serrano October 20, 2016 - 14:37

Bonding through insecurity is so real! It’s a fact that sometimes when we’re feeling bad about ourselves, we feel better when bunched up with others who feel the same and who like to judge someone doing something different. KevOnStage put up a video today saying just that: people will make excuses behind they don’t succeed, and will rationalize their failures. When you’re in a group that’s insecure all together, it’s easy to gang up on someone who’s making moves. Great post!

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Tanya Barnett October 20, 2016 - 10:57

I can honestly say, I have been guilty of this with my students. Their behaviors make me automatically judge their upbringing. I found out several times the behaviors don’t reflect their home life.

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Daria October 20, 2016 - 10:22

I’ve been there before as well. As I’ve become older it has lessen. I learned it’s more about the person doing the judging. I read a book about that, can’t think of the author right now, but the book helped me put things in perspective. Thanks for sharing!

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Mimi Green October 19, 2016 - 10:07

Im guilty of judging people for a variety of reasons. There are times when my perceived judgement turns into a helpful action.

I may reach out to someone and offer a kind word and or assistance.

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Ima October 19, 2016 - 04:50

I definitely feel judged a lot of times, and I think it’s worse when it’s by family or close friends.
But then I know at some points I have probably been there too — pointing fingers at others as a result of one thing or another
I guess it’s just about growing up, something which I have done a lot of late, and understanding that nobody is above faults.
Great post!

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Ty Knighten October 19, 2016 - 02:04

This is a great post. So many of us judge others without even thinking and yes, it is often because we are insecure about ourselves. The bad part of it all, is that we make ourselves look petty to others and we still feel bad about ourselves.

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Jemma @ Celery and Cupcakes October 19, 2016 - 01:45

Love this post and it’s so true! Judging others is very much about trying to brush off your issues with yourself or jealousy.

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canonicole October 17, 2016 - 01:52

I agree with your opinion, we are very radical sometimes with our opinions and rush to say whatever we want. It has happen more than a few times for me that I jump to quickly to assume something when later if proves that is completely wrong. Thanks for sharing this we need to learn how to make a proper opinion even if sometimes if gets really hard!

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Ana Ojha October 17, 2016 - 00:17

Beautiful piece of writing Sheri and So true! We often judge people by their external appearances. However external appearances are always deceptive!

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CourtneyLynne October 16, 2016 - 19:56

I try my hardest not to judge!!! Judging others never leads to anything good. Plus you could of been using all of that energy on your self!

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canonicole October 15, 2016 - 12:09

Great post. Sometimes we can be a little radical with others.

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Molly ~ EasycookingwithMolly October 15, 2016 - 06:13

You are so ‘bang on’ on all 5 reasons. I especially agree that many a times we judge people and their is definitely ‘lack of information’ which leads to some real weird conclusions too. It’s best to try and concentrate somewhere else rather than wasting time judging people and burning the midnight oil.

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Elizabeth October 15, 2016 - 02:35

A thought provoking post, this. I admit I am quite judgemental, but mostly towards gossips and mean people. I wonder, does this make me a gossip and mean person too?

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Gurki Bhamber (@BloggAdventures) October 14, 2016 - 14:33

Spot on! When you judge someone you are choosing to decide they did something wrong and justify your reasons. Whereas you have no idea about their life, their routine and what’s going on with them. Thanks for the thought provoking discussion!

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Janine Good October 14, 2016 - 14:02

Passing judgment sadly comes naturally to the human race and it is with inner work that it can be toned down and fixed in this society. Your article does speak truth in the effects of it and why we do it.

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MyYellowApron October 14, 2016 - 13:13

I needed to read this post today. No kidding. I had a bad personal experience with someone yesterday and I woke up feeling a little low. And yes, I had started to judge him and started to fill myself with self-pity.., but I feel better now.

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Valerie Ratliff October 14, 2016 - 12:53

This post really makes you think. It’s good advice. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, “it’s about us.”

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Divya @ Eat. Teach. Blog. October 14, 2016 - 11:52

As someone who has incorrectly judged people in the past, I’ve pulled on that mistake several times to remind myself to get to know somebody before my mind gets the best of me!

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Julie Maloney October 14, 2016 - 10:39

I’d like to think I don’t judge but I also don’t see people because I’m a SAHM and my only human interaction is at the dog park and we’re all friends. I do think I judge people on TV though, so I need to think about that.

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Devina October 13, 2016 - 23:18

LOVE ” Don’t judge choices without understanding the reasons.” Tweeted it!

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Kintan September 15, 2016 - 11:14

That´s great written. I don´t really like to judge others as I also don´t like when others judge me without knowing what really happened and what a real story is. Btw, I really love your article and thank you for shared this with us.

XOX
Kintan

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Pat September 15, 2016 - 03:59

so much wisdom, so much truth! Love this post! After attending a parent teacher meeting last night, I have to say this hits so much home!

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shabnamahsan August 15, 2016 - 13:38

very thought provoking post…I totally agree with you that how we judge others is the true reflection of who we are.

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Liana June 27, 2016 - 08:48

I’m really receptive to your post! It’s so sad to be the subject of judgements and I tend not to do so, because there’s no way you can know why people are acting this way. Of course it happens to everyone and I don’t know if I agree with you because, yes, you tend to judge the other because they’re not acting as you think it’s okay. But, on the other side, it might be okay to judge without judging negatively and giving positive advices, if you’re already been through it!

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nonsoloamore June 24, 2016 - 09:58

I never ever judge others people decisions or life. Because “before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes” is totally true. You never know why some decisions are taken and why not. It is not always how it looks like. And I hate if other people judge me without knowing me. So for me I can say that I live and let live!

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The Editor June 24, 2016 - 08:54

I’m guilty as charge, sometimes judging others (well not blurting it out to the masses) makes me feel good.. like when I judge the models in the magazine, etc. It reminds me of the latest Amazon fashion campaign #SaySomethingNice check it out!

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Tae June 24, 2016 - 04:19

So true. I find if I’m in a bad mood or feeling down about myself, I’m more prone to being judgmental. Often a reflection of insecurity, it rarely has something to do with the people we judge, I think! Definitely will be keeping the pattern interrupt tactic in mind 🙂 thanks for the reminder!

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shesaidyes.co.nz June 21, 2016 - 07:33

I’m always trying to be less judgmental and when others are, notice it and try and make the conversation more positive 🙂

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aliceumeji June 13, 2016 - 12:01

great post! i believe that we should constantly remind ourselves that we are not better than others. we have no right to judge anyone since you don’t know their full story. and I think that people talk about the faults of others in order to prevent the spotlight from shining on theirs.

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mackenzieglanville June 2, 2016 - 03:56

I think you ate spot on, we tend to judge others in an effort to improve our own self esteem, yet it can leave us feeling worse about ourselves. Teens are great at this, and they do bond over it, to me it shows a huge sign of insecurity when you see people putting others down who are successful, it is clearly a sign that they need to work on their own self esteem. We all have our own struggles and what I love is when I see people support each other and build each other up. I try hard to teach my daughters to be there for each other and for other girls, I love seeing women support other women instead of being bitchy. Really great post!

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Bettina Bacani May 20, 2016 - 15:33

This is a good reminder. I think we all judge somehow on a daily basis. Honestly, it’s hard not to, but there must really be a conscious effort on our part.

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Liv May 17, 2016 - 21:40

You’re absolutely right – you never know what’s going on in the other person’s life…wonderful, inspiring post. #blogsharelearn

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Cara (@StylishGeek) May 17, 2016 - 00:10

Your post is awesome! It’s very well thought of, it’s encouraging, empowering, and honestly it reinforces positivity! One of my creed is not to judge because we will never know the situation a person is in. And besides we have our own issues to deal with. Instead it is better to encourage or empathize.

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theresourcefulmama May 16, 2016 - 23:36

This is a great post! Judging can really tear another person down and be exhausting.

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Sarah May 16, 2016 - 23:15

This is such a great post. I used to be really judgemental. Its nasty, and cruel. There is no need.
Sarah xx
whimsicalmumblings.co.uk

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Kristen May 16, 2016 - 20:36

My husband and I made a pact to be more positive this year all around. Judging others is one of those things that goes hand in hand with that. Judging is so negative and doesnt do anyone any good. Great post, and it really opens your eyes to how we should pay attention to ourselves and our own lives!

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Megan McCoig May 16, 2016 - 16:41

People definetely judge others to make themselves feel better – such a good point. I can’t stand it! Great post to open our eyes!

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Taylor S May 16, 2016 - 16:22

This is such a good reminder as I find myself judging people unnecessarily sometimes. Sometimes I’ll find myself thinking something ridiculously judgy like “why is she wearing that? ugh” and then I think “wow, that was really rude, you know what? YOU GO GIRL, WEAR WHAT YOU WANT, YOU’RE KILLING IT!” I was always told that what you think first is how you were “mind programmed” or raised, and what you think second is who you’ve become. Thanks for the reminder. <3

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Fashionable Librarian May 16, 2016 - 13:31

That is something I speak about so often and try my very best to stay away from. None of us are without sin so we should just pay attention to our own lives

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Tanya @ Mom's Small Victories May 15, 2016 - 23:09

I’ve been trying to not judge others. I have a chronic and “invisible” illness. As much as I don’t like dealing with the pain and the negative way it’s changed my life, it has taught me not to judge others, you never know what someone else is enduring even though they look “ok.”

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ASKSonnie May 15, 2016 - 16:32

You hit the nail on item #1. Most of the time, we pass judgement and is critical to a person’s behaviour bec. we also hate ourselves for exhibiting the same behaviour.

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Wendy Polisi May 15, 2016 - 15:29

This is such a great point. I know all of us judge others to some point but this (along with only speaking positives) is something I’ve been trying to work on. As a blogger with a big Facebook page, I get so many people wanting to vomit negativity and judgment on a daily basis. I used to take it personally and now I just tell myself that it is a reflection of them and not me and hit delete. 🙂

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kareen liez datoy (@blessedliez) May 15, 2016 - 13:29

It’s ever okay to judge a person especially if you don’t know him or her. Or even if you have known someone for a long time, it is still not good to judge because in the end, it will still boomerang to you. Instead, we have to help that person overcome whatever negative things you can see.

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Just Plain Marie (@JustPlainMarieB) May 15, 2016 - 04:06

I find that my biggest “aha!” is when I find myself thinking something like “Well, at least *I* am not …” insert whatever thing someone is doing that makes me think I’m superior to them. The Rabbi Hillel said “What is detestable to you, do not do to others” and of course Jesus worded it famously as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I don’t want people looking down their noses at me and thinking that, so I try to address those thoughts when they come up in me!

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Rachel Langer May 15, 2016 - 02:48

Everyone judges, but it seems to me that it does lessen with age. Your theories are really in-line with this observation of mine. Typically as we age, we understand who we are as individuals and become more comfortable with ourselves. That would certainly reduce the need to judge others. So why not accept ourselves who we are before we reach that ‘aha moment?!’ It is good for everyone!

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mariaisquixotic May 14, 2016 - 18:13

Made me remember the golden quote, “Do unto others as others do unto you.” Yet sometimes, it’s inevitable to be insecure or to judge others. Yet, I somehow feel it might be better if you just keep it to yourself or just think that you are different from them. Not all are the same. Everyone is unique. 🙂

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Stella the Travelerette May 14, 2016 - 14:32

Yes, judging others is kind of like eating Twinkies. It might feel good in the moment, but you know in the long run it’s bad for you. I feel this was the right time for me to read this post because we are conducting end of the year evaluations at school for the students and it’s easy to judge others or feel judged based on our students results. I will take your advice to use the “pattern interrupt”. I’m sure it will help!

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Sheri - A Busy Bees Life May 14, 2016 - 16:53

I agree with you Stella! Afterwards, the feeling is not nice at all. I am glad the post is able to help you. Thank you for your feedback and sharing.

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ROBERT LEE May 14, 2016 - 13:55

Often judging people is wrong. One of the philosophers in China, Lao Tzu said that we should always keep an open mind. Once we begin to form an opinion we become biased and do not see clearly. Judging other people is like that too.

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Sheri - A Busy Bees Life May 14, 2016 - 16:56

That’s true Robert. I think it comes down to lack of facts as well as information. When we judge based on assumption, we not only hurt the other person, but we end of hurting our morals and character. It is human nature to judge, and at times we have to make judgement about people or situations to protect ourselves, so we cannot stop judging completely – the way we do it and the situation we do it in is the true reflection of who we are.

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whittypaleo May 13, 2016 - 20:51

Totally agree with this post – I believe that how you act to others is a reflection of how you see yourself and how you behave towards yourself.

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