5 Reasons Why Judging Others Is About You

May 12, 2016

judging others is about you

Judging Others Says A Lot About Who You Are

You may or may not know this but I suffer from OCD. Why am I telling you this? Because I hate odd numbers, yet here I am writing a post with five reasons about judging others. Doesn’t matter, I recently wrote another post with a list of 7 and a different one with a list of 5. There we go. Now we have 12. Seeing as I love patterns, I can write another post of seven.

I degress…..sorry

Don’t judge.

Let me start by asking you this question – How many people have you judged this week?

Two? Three? Five to ten? Too many to count? – None? (You are a saint!)

We have all judged and been judged. It might be over small things, or over bigger issues. Regardless, we do it. The question is why? We use other people as mirrors on which to base our essential view of the world and ourselves. That is the exact reason why it is so easy for us to judge others. 

Here are the reasons why judging others is about you…..not them…!

 

1. The way you feel about yourself

Do you ever judge someone then realise you do the same thing? Yes? This is because often our judgement on others show our weaknesses, soft-spots, and insecurities. Most judgments we make about people are based on lack of information. We make assumptions and judgments based on what we see, not on facts.

 

2. You do it to make yourself feel better

Admit it. It feels good to judge people at times. I’ll give you an example.

You are out somewhere in public with your toddler who just happens to be on his/her best behaviour. No crying, no tantrums, lots of smile hugs and kisses.

A few meters (or feet) from where you are, you spot a mom with a toddler – hers is screaming and crying, rolling on the floor, has juice running down the front of his shirt and you think to yourself, “hmmmmm….I must be doing a GREAT job as a mother. Better than her.”  You smile to yourself, then to your little “angel”. Judgement.

 

3. Mind Programming

I believe you teach your mind what to think and repeat back to you. If everyday you tell your mind you are fat, every day that is what you will think to yourself and believe. Tell your mind you are fantastic, and you will believe it (don’t overdo it on this one – for risk of sounding too cocky)!

This might be the biggest reason we judge others by their outer appearance.

We make assumptions about them and about their lives based on what the media has planted into our minds. For example: being thin and beautiful = success. Or affluence = happiness.

Even though in our hearts we know this is untrue, our minds bring us to judge those who do not live up to our ‘standards’.

 

4. Bonding Through Insecurity

We all feel insecure about something or another. We discuss people to feel better about ourselves. This is highly noticeable among middle and high school kids. Sadly, some continue this habit into adulthood.

When you talk about someone else, most people will willingly join in the conversation to add their two cents. This is where a sense of bonding comes in with judgment.

 
 


 

5. Lack Of Information

Most times, we are judging people we see out in public, at a restaurant, supermarket, drivers on the road,

People we know anything about. We have no insight into why they dress, act, or talk the way they do. All we know is that we see something about them that we consider being ‘wrong’, ‘different’ or ‘inappropriate’ – and in walks in judgement.

What does judgement do to you and others?

  • It can make you feel worse about yourself
  • It  hurts other people
  • It can perpetuate stereotypes
  • It increases negativity in your heart and in what you put out into the world
'Don't judge choices without understanding the reasons.'Click To Tweet

 

What can you do to judge less?

Since you cannot stop this altogether, you can take action when you find yourself judging.

When you hear yourself criticizing someone, take a step back and ask yourself, do I see these traits in myself? Do I exhibit the same behaviour? What do I know about this person? Am I being fair?

This is what is often called a pattern interrupt, which is a  technique to change a particular thought, behavior or situation.

Remember how it feels to be judged. It doesn’t feel good to judge or be judged so try to remember this the next time you are judging or criticizing. 

Try to open the door of your heart to expand your awareness and self-acceptance.

We all have a story, and you never know when you might find yourself walking in the very shoes of a person you have judged.

Do you find yourself judging others? Or are you constantly being judged by family, friends, co-workers?

Share your experiences with me below.

Judging others says a lot about who you are as a person. How many people have you judged this week? One? Ten? None? Click through to read more about what judging others tells people about you.

79 Comments

  1. Reply

    The Truth About Being In An Interracial Relationship

    […] Dating outside of your race might show that you are open-minded, however, it won’t put a stop to prejudice or judgement. […]

  2. Reply

    Natasha

    Very reflective article. I certainly catch myself doing this and take a step back and question myself. Def things I need to work on.

  3. Reply

    Erin Creeks

    I like #4. That’s something I don’t think about but it’s very true that misery really does love company. I like everyone else try not to compare myself to others but this is a great read to keep perspective.

  4. Reply

    Tonya B

    This is a real eye opener! It does start young and continues into adulthood, I try not to judge others, but sometimes it seems like instinct to do so. Thanks for bring this to light, not many people will talk about this subject.

  5. Reply

    Marisa

    You make so many great points. I never thought of it that way. But im totally ocd. So i can relate.

  6. Reply

    Marie Barber

    Its so important to not judge people and to teach our children the same, having two kids on the autism spectrum ans other life experiences has taught me to stop and think before i judge, i think most of us have felt judged in our life and that isn’t a nice feeling, however their are certain situations where you need to judge and i think some people find it difficult to distinguish between the two.

  7. Reply

    lifesmoments16

    This is all valuable advice. I try my best to not judge others. However, you’re right it does usually say more about me when I do find myself being guilty of it.

  8. Reply

    L.C. @ A Life of Authenticity

    You are right, sometimes judging people is so innate that we don’t realize we are doing it. But it is definitely something we (I) should work on!Thanks for sharing.

  9. Reply

    zim

    That is so true! Most people we tend to judge to quickly have a story to tell, a story that could set the record straight and shame all of us for our judgemental ways.

  10. Reply

    Houx

    I love this post! I think you nailed it. After reading this is realize I do judge a bit whether I do it vocally or in my mind and it reflects how I feel about myself sometimes. I never realized that.

  11. Reply

    Felicia

    This is great post! It’s important to explore why we say or think certain things and work hard to make our attitudes more positive

  12. Reply

    creativethriftychef

    These are all so true, You know I always tell my kids you can never judge someone just because of how they look because sometimes people do surprise you in so many ways.

  13. Reply

    Amrita Basu

    You have a real knack of writing about psychosocial issues.I have lost count of the number of people I have judged this week

    1. Reply

      Sheri @ A Busy Bees Life

      Thank you for the compliment and feedback Amrita. We are all guilty of judging, but hopefully when we catch ourselves doing it, we can redirect those thoughts. Have a wonderful day, Sheri.

  14. Reply

    imagineyourart

    These are all so true. As human nature we automatically judge someone by their appearance, when we have absolutely no idea about them or their lives and vice versa

  15. Reply

    Andrea Broom

    I totally agree, when we are judging others we are just noticing the imperfections in our own lives and instead of facing them we pick point others.

  16. Reply

    Tasheena @ SimplyTasheena.com

    Great post! I agree, sometimes we as people are so easy to judge situation without knowing the reasoning behind it.

  17. Reply

    jadoreledecor

    Judging others is an unfortunate trait of imperfections. And it’s sooo hard to eliminate it completely. When I’m tempted to judge someone, I think of the words at Matthew 7:1,2 “Stop judging that you may not be judged;for with the judgement you are judging, YOU will be judged”. That usually brings me back down to earth.

  18. Reply

    Walk One Day In Our Shoes

    It’s easy to pass judgement on others. If I have a bad encounter with an individual and that is my first encounter with them, I tend to pass judgment as well. If I have a negative first encounter with someone I feel that they don’t care about how others perceive them – and that is where my judgement is passed. Thanks for sharing.

  19. Reply

    Jennifer

    Judging others is something I’ve been working on for over a year. When I find myself judging someone, I stop the negative thought and ask myself why do I feel this way. I even practice this with my children. When I find them being judgmental, I tell them to take into consideration all of the facts before judging the person. Really good tips!

  20. Reply

    Michelle Malone

    I am guilty as charged…been there. As an adult, I find myself trying to ascertain why people are in certain situations rather than turning my nose up. Gossip is a nasty habit. It’s just like smoking,or biting your nails. It comforts you at the moment, but makes a mess down the rooad.

  21. Reply

    Adeola Naomi

    We all judge others and it is totally a healthy thing to do in your head as long as you don’t voice it out without thinking thoroughly.
    We judge for the above reasons and many more but we also judge ourselves, so when we find the compassion for ourselves we will be much more compassionate toward others.

  22. Reply

    Joanae

    Judging other people is for the unhappy. You never know what demons people are dealing with.

  23. Reply

    LaQuisha Hall

    Lack of information is the best reason on this list! Many judge and don’t know why. This article breaks it all down! Thank you for sharing.

  24. Reply

    MUAKimPorter

    This is a great piece. I judge people. I think most humans do it, but not purposely. I do think it’s for some of the reasons you mentioned.

  25. Reply

    Antoinette Cain

    This is so on point. I believe that we either judge what we’re afraid of or things that we see in others that we don’t like about ourselves.

  26. Reply

    Eva

    Luvvie has a book called “I’m Judging You.” That goes into many reasons why people are judged for things that they think and share online. Seems like these days everyone has an opinion, and isn’t shy about sharing it, even though it makes us make up our minds about them… judge whether we want to be bothered with them or not.

  27. Reply

    Raquel Serrano

    Bonding through insecurity is so real! It’s a fact that sometimes when we’re feeling bad about ourselves, we feel better when bunched up with others who feel the same and who like to judge someone doing something different. KevOnStage put up a video today saying just that: people will make excuses behind they don’t succeed, and will rationalize their failures. When you’re in a group that’s insecure all together, it’s easy to gang up on someone who’s making moves. Great post!

  28. Reply

    Tanya Barnett

    I can honestly say, I have been guilty of this with my students. Their behaviors make me automatically judge their upbringing. I found out several times the behaviors don’t reflect their home life.

  29. Reply

    Daria

    I’ve been there before as well. As I’ve become older it has lessen. I learned it’s more about the person doing the judging. I read a book about that, can’t think of the author right now, but the book helped me put things in perspective. Thanks for sharing!

  30. Reply

    Mimi Green

    Im guilty of judging people for a variety of reasons. There are times when my perceived judgement turns into a helpful action.

    I may reach out to someone and offer a kind word and or assistance.

  31. Reply

    Ima

    I definitely feel judged a lot of times, and I think it’s worse when it’s by family or close friends.
    But then I know at some points I have probably been there too — pointing fingers at others as a result of one thing or another
    I guess it’s just about growing up, something which I have done a lot of late, and understanding that nobody is above faults.
    Great post!

  32. Reply

    Ty Knighten

    This is a great post. So many of us judge others without even thinking and yes, it is often because we are insecure about ourselves. The bad part of it all, is that we make ourselves look petty to others and we still feel bad about ourselves.

  33. Reply

    Jemma @ Celery and Cupcakes

    Love this post and it’s so true! Judging others is very much about trying to brush off your issues with yourself or jealousy.

  34. Reply

    canonicole

    I agree with your opinion, we are very radical sometimes with our opinions and rush to say whatever we want. It has happen more than a few times for me that I jump to quickly to assume something when later if proves that is completely wrong. Thanks for sharing this we need to learn how to make a proper opinion even if sometimes if gets really hard!

  35. Reply

    Ana Ojha

    Beautiful piece of writing Sheri and So true! We often judge people by their external appearances. However external appearances are always deceptive!

  36. Reply

    CourtneyLynne

    I try my hardest not to judge!!! Judging others never leads to anything good. Plus you could of been using all of that energy on your self!

  37. Reply

    canonicole

    Great post. Sometimes we can be a little radical with others.

  38. Reply

    Molly ~ EasycookingwithMolly

    You are so ‘bang on’ on all 5 reasons. I especially agree that many a times we judge people and their is definitely ‘lack of information’ which leads to some real weird conclusions too. It’s best to try and concentrate somewhere else rather than wasting time judging people and burning the midnight oil.

  39. Reply

    Elizabeth

    A thought provoking post, this. I admit I am quite judgemental, but mostly towards gossips and mean people. I wonder, does this make me a gossip and mean person too?

  40. Reply

    Gurki Bhamber (@BloggAdventures)

    Spot on! When you judge someone you are choosing to decide they did something wrong and justify your reasons. Whereas you have no idea about their life, their routine and what’s going on with them. Thanks for the thought provoking discussion!

  41. Reply

    Janine Good

    Passing judgment sadly comes naturally to the human race and it is with inner work that it can be toned down and fixed in this society. Your article does speak truth in the effects of it and why we do it.

  42. Reply

    MyYellowApron

    I needed to read this post today. No kidding. I had a bad personal experience with someone yesterday and I woke up feeling a little low. And yes, I had started to judge him and started to fill myself with self-pity.., but I feel better now.

  43. Reply

    Valerie Ratliff

    This post really makes you think. It’s good advice. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, “it’s about us.”

  44. Reply

    Divya @ Eat. Teach. Blog.

    As someone who has incorrectly judged people in the past, I’ve pulled on that mistake several times to remind myself to get to know somebody before my mind gets the best of me!

  45. Reply

    Julie Maloney

    I’d like to think I don’t judge but I also don’t see people because I’m a SAHM and my only human interaction is at the dog park and we’re all friends. I do think I judge people on TV though, so I need to think about that.

  46. Reply

    Devina

    LOVE ” Don’t judge choices without understanding the reasons.” Tweeted it!

  47. Reply

    Kintan

    That´s great written. I don´t really like to judge others as I also don´t like when others judge me without knowing what really happened and what a real story is. Btw, I really love your article and thank you for shared this with us.

    XOX
    Kintan

  48. Reply

    Pat

    so much wisdom, so much truth! Love this post! After attending a parent teacher meeting last night, I have to say this hits so much home!

  49. Reply

    shabnamahsan

    very thought provoking post…I totally agree with you that how we judge others is the true reflection of who we are.

  50. Reply

    Liana

    I’m really receptive to your post! It’s so sad to be the subject of judgements and I tend not to do so, because there’s no way you can know why people are acting this way. Of course it happens to everyone and I don’t know if I agree with you because, yes, you tend to judge the other because they’re not acting as you think it’s okay. But, on the other side, it might be okay to judge without judging negatively and giving positive advices, if you’re already been through it!

  51. Reply

    nonsoloamore

    I never ever judge others people decisions or life. Because “before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes” is totally true. You never know why some decisions are taken and why not. It is not always how it looks like. And I hate if other people judge me without knowing me. So for me I can say that I live and let live!

  52. Reply

    The Editor

    I’m guilty as charge, sometimes judging others (well not blurting it out to the masses) makes me feel good.. like when I judge the models in the magazine, etc. It reminds me of the latest Amazon fashion campaign #SaySomethingNice check it out!

  53. Reply

    Tae

    So true. I find if I’m in a bad mood or feeling down about myself, I’m more prone to being judgmental. Often a reflection of insecurity, it rarely has something to do with the people we judge, I think! Definitely will be keeping the pattern interrupt tactic in mind 🙂 thanks for the reminder!

  54. Reply

    shesaidyes.co.nz

    I’m always trying to be less judgmental and when others are, notice it and try and make the conversation more positive 🙂

  55. Reply

    aliceumeji

    great post! i believe that we should constantly remind ourselves that we are not better than others. we have no right to judge anyone since you don’t know their full story. and I think that people talk about the faults of others in order to prevent the spotlight from shining on theirs.

  56. Reply

    mackenzieglanville

    I think you ate spot on, we tend to judge others in an effort to improve our own self esteem, yet it can leave us feeling worse about ourselves. Teens are great at this, and they do bond over it, to me it shows a huge sign of insecurity when you see people putting others down who are successful, it is clearly a sign that they need to work on their own self esteem. We all have our own struggles and what I love is when I see people support each other and build each other up. I try hard to teach my daughters to be there for each other and for other girls, I love seeing women support other women instead of being bitchy. Really great post!

  57. Reply

    Bettina Bacani

    This is a good reminder. I think we all judge somehow on a daily basis. Honestly, it’s hard not to, but there must really be a conscious effort on our part.

  58. Reply

    Liv

    You’re absolutely right – you never know what’s going on in the other person’s life…wonderful, inspiring post. #blogsharelearn

  59. Reply

    Cara (@StylishGeek)

    Your post is awesome! It’s very well thought of, it’s encouraging, empowering, and honestly it reinforces positivity! One of my creed is not to judge because we will never know the situation a person is in. And besides we have our own issues to deal with. Instead it is better to encourage or empathize.

  60. Reply

    theresourcefulmama

    This is a great post! Judging can really tear another person down and be exhausting.

  61. Reply

    Sarah

    This is such a great post. I used to be really judgemental. Its nasty, and cruel. There is no need.
    Sarah xx
    whimsicalmumblings.co.uk

  62. Reply

    Kristen

    My husband and I made a pact to be more positive this year all around. Judging others is one of those things that goes hand in hand with that. Judging is so negative and doesnt do anyone any good. Great post, and it really opens your eyes to how we should pay attention to ourselves and our own lives!

  63. Reply

    Megan McCoig

    People definetely judge others to make themselves feel better – such a good point. I can’t stand it! Great post to open our eyes!

  64. Reply

    Taylor S

    This is such a good reminder as I find myself judging people unnecessarily sometimes. Sometimes I’ll find myself thinking something ridiculously judgy like “why is she wearing that? ugh” and then I think “wow, that was really rude, you know what? YOU GO GIRL, WEAR WHAT YOU WANT, YOU’RE KILLING IT!” I was always told that what you think first is how you were “mind programmed” or raised, and what you think second is who you’ve become. Thanks for the reminder. <3

  65. Reply

    Fashionable Librarian

    That is something I speak about so often and try my very best to stay away from. None of us are without sin so we should just pay attention to our own lives

  66. Reply

    Tanya @ Mom's Small Victories

    I’ve been trying to not judge others. I have a chronic and “invisible” illness. As much as I don’t like dealing with the pain and the negative way it’s changed my life, it has taught me not to judge others, you never know what someone else is enduring even though they look “ok.”

  67. Reply

    ASKSonnie

    You hit the nail on item #1. Most of the time, we pass judgement and is critical to a person’s behaviour bec. we also hate ourselves for exhibiting the same behaviour.

  68. Reply

    Wendy Polisi

    This is such a great point. I know all of us judge others to some point but this (along with only speaking positives) is something I’ve been trying to work on. As a blogger with a big Facebook page, I get so many people wanting to vomit negativity and judgment on a daily basis. I used to take it personally and now I just tell myself that it is a reflection of them and not me and hit delete. 🙂

  69. Reply

    kareen liez datoy (@blessedliez)

    It’s ever okay to judge a person especially if you don’t know him or her. Or even if you have known someone for a long time, it is still not good to judge because in the end, it will still boomerang to you. Instead, we have to help that person overcome whatever negative things you can see.

  70. Reply

    Just Plain Marie (@JustPlainMarieB)

    I find that my biggest “aha!” is when I find myself thinking something like “Well, at least *I* am not …” insert whatever thing someone is doing that makes me think I’m superior to them. The Rabbi Hillel said “What is detestable to you, do not do to others” and of course Jesus worded it famously as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I don’t want people looking down their noses at me and thinking that, so I try to address those thoughts when they come up in me!

  71. Reply

    Rachel Langer

    Everyone judges, but it seems to me that it does lessen with age. Your theories are really in-line with this observation of mine. Typically as we age, we understand who we are as individuals and become more comfortable with ourselves. That would certainly reduce the need to judge others. So why not accept ourselves who we are before we reach that ‘aha moment?!’ It is good for everyone!

  72. Reply

    mariaisquixotic

    Made me remember the golden quote, “Do unto others as others do unto you.” Yet sometimes, it’s inevitable to be insecure or to judge others. Yet, I somehow feel it might be better if you just keep it to yourself or just think that you are different from them. Not all are the same. Everyone is unique. 🙂

  73. Reply

    Stella the Travelerette

    Yes, judging others is kind of like eating Twinkies. It might feel good in the moment, but you know in the long run it’s bad for you. I feel this was the right time for me to read this post because we are conducting end of the year evaluations at school for the students and it’s easy to judge others or feel judged based on our students results. I will take your advice to use the “pattern interrupt”. I’m sure it will help!

    1. Reply

      Sheri - A Busy Bees Life

      I agree with you Stella! Afterwards, the feeling is not nice at all. I am glad the post is able to help you. Thank you for your feedback and sharing.

  74. Reply

    ROBERT LEE

    Often judging people is wrong. One of the philosophers in China, Lao Tzu said that we should always keep an open mind. Once we begin to form an opinion we become biased and do not see clearly. Judging other people is like that too.

    1. Reply

      Sheri - A Busy Bees Life

      That’s true Robert. I think it comes down to lack of facts as well as information. When we judge based on assumption, we not only hurt the other person, but we end of hurting our morals and character. It is human nature to judge, and at times we have to make judgement about people or situations to protect ourselves, so we cannot stop judging completely – the way we do it and the situation we do it in is the true reflection of who we are.

  75. Reply

    whittypaleo

    Totally agree with this post – I believe that how you act to others is a reflection of how you see yourself and how you behave towards yourself.

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