Judging Others Says A Lot About Who You Are
You may or may not know this but I suffer from OCD. Why am I telling you this? Well, most people do not know that I am a counter. I have such good control over it, that it goes completely unnoticed. Judging others is something that happens everyday. I try not to judge but sometimes I just can’t help it.
Do you ever think something about a person you don’t know and then later wonder if you were wrong?
I have moments like that. Then I sit and wonder feeling bad about doing it. Realizing also that many people may have been judging ,me all day. Incorrectly.
Let me start by asking you this question – How many people have you judged this week?
Two? Three? Five to ten? Too many to count? – None? (You are a saint!)
We have all judged and been judged. It might be over small things, or over bigger issues. Regardless, we do it. The question is why?
We use other people as mirrors on which to base our essential view of the world and ourselves.
That is the exact reason why it is so easy for us to judge others.
Here are the reasons why judging others is about you…..not the person you are judging!
1. The Way You Feel About Yourself
Do you ever judge someone then realise you do the same thing? Yes?
This is because often our judgement on others show our weaknesses, soft-spots, and insecurities. Most judgments we make about people are based on lack of information.
We make assumptions and judgments based on what we see, not on facts.
2. You Do It To Make Yourself Feel Better
Admit it. It feels good to judge people at times. I’ll give you an example.
You are out somewhere in public with your toddler who just happens to be on his/her best behaviour. No crying, no meltdowns and tantrums, lots of smiles, hugs and kisses.
A few meters (or feet) from where you are, you spot a mom with a toddler – hers is screaming and crying, rolling on the floor, has juice running down the front of his shirt and you think to yourself, “hmmmmm….I must be doing a GREAT job as a mother. Better than her.”
You smile to yourself, then to your little “angel”. Judgement.
3. Mind Programming
I believe you teach your mind what to think and repeat back to you.
If everyday you tell your mind you are fat, every day that is what you will think to yourself and believe.
Tell your mind you are fantastic, and you will believe it (don’t overdo it on this one – for risk of sounding too cocky)!
Speak positive affirmations to yourself and watch your confidence increase.
Mind programming is probably the biggest reason we judge others based on their outer appearance.
We make assumptions about them and about their lives based on what the media has planted into our minds.
For example: being thin and beautiful = success. Affluence = happiness.
Being poor = unworthy or not relevant.
Even though in your hearts you know this is untrue, our minds bring us to judge those who do not live up to our ‘standards’.
4. Bonding Through Insecurity
You have surely felt insecure about something or another.
We discuss people to feel better about ourselves. This is highly noticeable among middle and high school kids. Sadly, some continue this habit into adulthood.
When you talk about someone else, most people will willingly join in the conversation to add their two cents.
This is where a sense of bonding comes in with judgment.
5. Lack Of Information
Most times, you are judging people you see out in public. At a restaurant, grocery store, shopping mall, drivers on the road, etc.
People you know anything about.
You have no insight into why they dress, act, or talk the way they do.
All you know is that you see something about them that you consider being ‘wrong’, ‘different’ or ‘inappropriate’ – and in walks in judgement.
What Are The Consequences Of Judging Others?
When you judge others it can make you feel worse about yourself.
You hurt other people.
It can perpetuate stereotypes.
You increase negativity in your heart and in what you put out into the world.
'Don't judge choices without understanding the reasons.'Click To Tweet
What Can You Do To Judge Less?
Since you cannot stop this altogether, you can take action when you find yourself judging.
When you hear yourself criticizing someone, take a step back and ask yourself, do I see these traits in myself? Do I exhibit the same behaviour?
What do I know about this person? Am I being fair?
This is what is often called a pattern interrupt, which is a technique to change a particular thought, behavior or situation.
Remember how it feels to be judged. It doesn’t feel good to judge or be judged. Try to remember this the next time you are judging or criticizing.
Try to open the door of your heart to expand your awareness and self-acceptance. Make people feel better about themselves because of you.
We all have a story. You never know when you might find yourself walking in the very shoes of a person you have judged.
Do you find yourself judging others?
Or are you constantly being judged by family, friends and co-workers?
Share your experiences with me below.