Why You Should Reject Toxic People From Your Life

March 28, 2016

Why You Should Reject Toxic People From Your Life

Free Yourself Of Toxicity

Although I knew it was something I had to do, it took a long time for me to begin to remove certain people from my life. If you are being abused emotionally, you need to reject toxic people from your life.

It has not been easy.  I have lost sleep over it, cried, worried, second-guessed myself.

Looking back though, I know I made the right decision. Now I can smile about it.

I am going to share with you a little story about someone who has been toxic in my life for years, as well as some advice on how to identify bad energy and reject toxic people from your life.

Before I begin, I want to mention that decisions like this should not be taken lightly.  Think about them long and hard.

One thing I can guarantee is that when you reject toxic people from your life, you will gain a new peace of mind.

Who Is An Enabler?

An enabler- one that enables another to achieve an end; one who enables another to persist in destructive behavior or by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior.

An accomplice is defined as one associated in another person’s wrongdoing.

Manipulation refers to making attempts at indirectly influencing someone else’s behavior or actions.

As human beings, our emotions often cloud our judgments, making it difficult to see the reality behind hidden agendas or motives in different forms of behavior.

The controlling aspects linked to manipulation are sometimes very subtle and can easily be overlooked, buried under feelings of obligation, love, or habit. You can recognize the signs and avoid being a victim.

Becoming Aware Of Toxic People

Have any of you ever experienced real and true manipulation from a family member, friend, or colleague?

Well, I have. One person has really assisted my ability to identify manipulators. Let’s call this person Sly.

Sly was someone I thought I could be open with, talk to, hang out with, share good times with, go shopping with, make memories with etc. Little did I know how naïve I was. Sly is a master manipulator.

It took me a total of EIGHT YEARS  (can you believe that??) to conclusively realize that I honestly and truly did not need this person in my life.

Year after year for eight long years, Sly would fabricate a story about something I supposedly did.

Would stop talking to me for months on end, defame my character to everyone I knew.  Would then one day out of nowhere contact me again as if nothing ever happened. This is a for of emotional abuse.

Each and every time I would feel like we had gone through a bad phase or rough patch and move forward.

No questions asked. What a big mistake!

Remember, Sly would never disclose what the reason was for us not talking, or tell me what I had “supposedly” done.

I could never figure out why that was. If you have a problem with someone you let them know right?

Sly couldn’t because I had never actually done anything wrong, and certainly not anything that warranted not being spoken to for 8-10 months a year repeatedly for eight years!

Each year Sly would hatch out a new plan, and the cycle would begin again. Sick and twisted as it was, I went along with it.

There is nobody in Hollywood at the moment that can play roles like Sly can. The scariest thing, is that Sly is good at what Sly does. I have reflected on the patterns of behaviours I have seen in Sly.

if this is slowly starting to sound like someone you know or have to deal with – start considering the option to distance yourself from this person. As I said earlier, reject toxic people from your life in order for you to be emotionally healthy.

How Toxic People Play The Victim

Playing the victim role, lighting the fire then running away from it, the storytelling, the doe eyes, not taking an ounce of responsibility for their actions (it is always someone else’s fault), the fabrications, the betrayal, the backstabbing.

It gets worse. People like this have accomplices they gather  in a campaign of destruction.

You see, when someone like Sly realizes that they can influence people you have in your life by lies and manipulation it makes it all so easy.

The thing is, when Sly would make phone calls, send messages and gossip and lie about me, Sly knew that the people being told would never once pick up the phone to ask me what was going on.

Is what we are hearing even true? Nope! Never once did they ask. They continued to feast on the meals of deceit Sly was serving, while I sat back and never said a word.

A month before my son was born, Sly decided it was again time for us to stop talking. Sly cut me off as usual, though this time I was glad. I was done. Really. Truly. Finally.

When my precious, darling, beautiful son came into this world and Sly did not reach out to say “congratulations“, I knew that I had made the right choice about ridding my life of this poisonous, toxic, narcissist.

God, my husband and son are my battalion. A unit impenetrable to deception.

The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you – except for a headache – RUN!

Sly often smiled that practiced smile at all the right moments. Said the right things. Acted the right way.

Master Manipulators…..

Manipulators will even go as far as research things that interest you, such as your new business, your favourite restaurants, your hobbies, all in an effort to pretend as if a shit is given about your life.

They do something nice, once, to earn loyalty, and then harken back to it every time they screw you over.

I believe I became a target when Sly realized “f*%k! she can see right through me”, “she knows the game I have been playing”.

Sly realized that I was not a customer ready to buy the bullshit. So I became the narcissists target.

Yes…Narcissists. They are like deep cover CIA operatives. Always operating under a cover identity.

It is second nature to them. They often will even convince themselves that their cover identity is real. They pretend they are nice, selfless, even discriminated against! Laughable but true. 

You know what the sad thing is? Most of these kind of people suffer from low self-confidence.

…..And Their Accomplices

Sly has a team of accomplices. These are the people who sympathize with Sly regardless of being aware of wrongdoing. Some members of this team may not be aware of the extent that Sly will go to destroy.

They are BBF – Blinded By Fakeness. You should not only reject toxic people from your life who you know directly, but people associated with them as well.

The biggest accomplice Sly has at the moment is one that is ten years older than Sly. One would think that person would be smarter, more mature, sensible. To think that would be wrong.

The accomplice holds Sly close because of what Sly can offer. Free lunch and dinners at nice restaurants, a babysitter every once in while, and of course someone to keep the accomplice from being bored.

The accomplice has no day job, so finds pleasure in doing as Sly says. The accomplice can sit back and watch this sickening never-ending reality show.

Make no mistake, Sly has done so much to others. I am certainly not the only person who has been affected negatively by this person.

Sly has destroyed marriages, relationships, friendships, families! Clearly disregards the power of karma!

The day will come for Sly and karma will not only rain down, it will pour!

Reject Toxic People From Your Life And Move Forward

There are three ways to deal with people like Sly:

  • Pacify through appeasement – Not going to happen
  • Insult them by being angry – Been there, done that
  • Escape and Evade – Yes! this one it is 🙂

I have finally escaped trying to be happy to have this person around me.

Too much deceit has been uncovered. I have escaped listening to Sly talk smack about people to me. Sly has gossiped about any one and everyone to me. It is Sly’s MO.

I am over pleasing others and selling my dignity.

Life is so much better without these jackasses (the nicest word I could think of) in it. There is a cost to being around them.

If you don’t accept this, then you have been around yours for so long you have forgotten how great life is.

Get away, by any means necessary, and never look back. I can’t stress it enough – reject toxic people from your life – today!

Best of all, by doing this you will preserve your relationships with the people you care about, while they gradually figure out who the sick narcissist is, and break free for themselves.

The people who really love and care for you will show you through their actions. If someone shows you otherwise – believe them.

Reading back, I see I was ranting in this post.  I have recently embraced an attitude of positivity. REALLY!

While this post may not seem like it, I am happy. Free. I needed to get this off my chest. Moving along.

When you forgive those who hurt you, you take away their power.

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”Click To Tweet

Have you dealt with toxic people? Do you feel it is important to reject toxic people from your life?

Share your thoughts, experiences and feedback with me in the comments section below.

 

You wouldn't want to drink poison intentionally, so why keep toxic people in around? Reject toxic people from your life for your own sanity.

39 Comments

  1. Reply

    What Are You Looking To Accomplish This Month?

    […] my journey of self-development has opened my mind up to what I want and don’t want in life, relationships and friendships. What I will and will […]

  2. Reply

    Valerie CottageMakingMommy

    I have worked so hard on this ….this year. I threw out several friends that were just exhausting and would take take take but would never give back and could never say thank-you.

  3. Reply

    Dannii

    I did this a couple of years ago and it’s the best thing I ever did. I am so much happier now.

  4. Reply

    Ellie Chan

    YES!! this post resonates for me so much. I remember when I cut a very toxic bully out of my life, she played the victim, tried to push the blame back on to me. When I cut that bond I felt so much paranoia and misery lift from me. It’s so important to realize those toxic people who only try to keep you down need to be cut out of your life for the sake of your happiness and well-being.

  5. Reply

    jesusglitter

    Freedom comes when we realize we are worth more than being a punching bag for someone else. This is a wonderful post, Our lives are short enough without having someone else suck it out of us. Congrats on letting go of the past and allowing your hands to be open to new. I was in a similar relationship and I have never felt stronger than when I established personal boundaries to protect my soul. Much happiness to you and your family! Enjoy your baby boy!

  6. Reply

    Healthwealthbridge by Dr.Amrita Basu

    ThIs is part of my #life lessons in 2016.No toxic relationships.
    Thank God you got rid of her.These people just enjoy playing victim.

  7. Reply

    Briana Marie

    I’ve actually been working extra hard this year to eject toxic people from my life. I’ve blocked quite a few numbers, cleaned up my friends and followers list and even changed the crowd I hang around. I’m growing as an individual and I can’t afford to have people around me that have no real value in my life.

  8. Reply

    Dana Vento

    Such a powerful post, yes I think we always dealing with toxic people, letting go of them is the best feeling.

  9. Reply

    Blair Villanueva

    Whoever collects toxics are a complete mess. I aim to live in Zen , so please if you ladies want to live a peaceful live, no to toxicity

  10. Reply

    Anosa

    To think such people like Sly exist is sickening but then again balance is there for a reason lol.
    This was a great post and now I am looking out for Sly like people and accomplices

  11. Reply

    The Travel Ninjas

    I agree totally. Your social circle is like your team. And just like in sports, if you’re trying to sabotage the team you get kicked off.

  12. Reply

    Tasheena @ SimplyTasheena.com

    I agree, It’s very important to reject toxic people from your life. I also believe, that some people are just meant to be in our lives for a season and at times we try to keep them in our lives longer which in return can really become toxic.

  13. Reply

    Amber

    I love this. I’ve had to get rid of some toxic people. Sometimes it made me sad, but in the end, I knew it was better for my health and happiness. I just don’t have the time for toxic.

  14. Reply

    Divya @ Eat. Teach. Blog.

    Yes!! When I experienced the “social cleanse” for the first time and started slowly backing away from the people that brought me unhappiness, I remember it being such a challenge for me. It’s hard to let go of things (or people) you’ve invested so much time and energy in. But, as I’ve grown older, I realize that it’s OK. That you just have to understand that people are in and out of our lives all the time. We embrace the relationship when we’re in it and we let it go when it’s time.

    1. Reply

      Sheri @ A Busy Bees Life

      You are so on point Divya. There comes a time when we all have to cleanse not only relationships, but ourselves too so that we can move forward and be happy. Free of any negativity holding us back.

  15. Reply

    joleisale

    I’m glad you’ve taken the high road and decided to walk away. Well done you. Hugs too

  16. Reply

    thestationerygeekette

    Another brilliant post. Bookmarked so I can keep going back to it x

  17. Reply

    gingerfoxblogger

    I have known a few people like that in my life, and the best thing is when you move on and are finally free of their poisonous presence- great post!

    1. Reply

      Sheri

      YES! The sooner the better Imogen! Thank you for your feedback and for stopping by 🙂

  18. Reply

    Sarah @ Expat of the World

    Recently did the same with my “Sly”. It’s an absolute relief, I wish I’d had the strength to do it sooner.

  19. Reply

    April (@theaprilnoelle)

    Well, I wish never look back was always the case. Sometimes that person is a family member, so you need to set up fresh boundaries for them, so they cannot be in a place to manipulate you again. Great post. #BLMGirls

    1. Reply

      Sheri - A Busy Bees Life

      You are right on that April. It is hardest when the person is a family member but without those boundaries as you mentioned, manipulation and pain will continue. Thank you for your feedback.

  20. Reply

    Kristyn

    You are correct! I had a Sly in my life from age 7. She was my first best friend in a new school & it wasn’t until I was 23 that I finally gave up the ‘friendship.’ It was sad at the time, but I’m much happier now! Since then, I’ve bought a house, got engaged & married, had a baby. Not a peep from her! Which honestly feels more like a relief lol

    Thanks for sharing!

    1. Reply

      Sheri - A Busy Bees Life

      Wow Kristyn, that is a LONG time, which means it must have been extremely hard to breakaway! 16 years is a long time to have to deal with someone like that. I am so happy for you that you were able to breakaway from the so-called friendship. Happy married life and motherhood. xoxo

  21. Reply

    carolinecassidy84

    I’ve just noticed that my comment from yesterday wasn’t sent to you, successfully. I’m related to a Sly and her flying monkey enablers. We cut all contact with them last year, and our lives have been so much better for it. I’m glad you escaped your narcissist, and I wish you lots of happiness and success xx

    1. Reply

      Sheri - A Busy Bees Life

      Hi Caroline, your comment came in yesterday, but I had not approved it because I was out of the house and busy. 🙂 I am glad you have cut all contact and are doing better without your Sly in your life. I wish you all the best. xoxox

  22. Reply

    Lauren

    So true…thank you for sharing. I really like your writing style.

    Lauren

  23. Reply

    Leila Rexford

    So true! You just have to get rid of the toxicity. It is the best way to take your power back! Also you will be happier than you ever knew was possible.

  24. Reply

    heidi

    Makes it hard to trust people right? I’ve removed alot of sly’s from my life. One was a very close family member but sanity is important.

  25. Reply

    Laura May

    This is so true! I have had to do exactly this to get rid of a sly recently. She made my life at university miserable and made my mental health dangerously low. However, like you, I couldn’t use a major issue about it and get her punished for bullying, she was too good at it al. SO i simply deleted her from my life and suffered in the short term by excluding myself from all social situations with my fiends (as she’s always there)…however, i’ve now been away from university for a few weeks and know that when i return I will be ready to ignore her and know that I’ve done nothing wrong and my friends will realise soon enough.

    1. Reply

      Sheri - A Busy Bees Life

      Yes Laura, that is all that you can really do. Wait for others around you to realise the truth about Sly and make up their minds on what to do with it. You have done your own part by removing her from your life, and taking control over your mental health. That is the best thing you could have done. I wish you success for your return to university and living a toxic free life. xoxo S.

  26. Reply

    Heather @ Simply Save

    Yup, I’ve had people like this is my life…

  27. Reply

    Mariesbeauties

    Lovely post sheri, thanks for sharing x
    http://mariesbeauties.co.uk

  28. Reply

    Vlad

    I have a Baz in my life. Baz and I hang out these days. Baz doesn’t say anymore anything to me as I just helped him with something. I felt every word on your blog post!!!:).

    1. Reply

      A Busy Bees Life

      I think we all have one of these in our lives. I am glad you were able to relate to this post, and hope you can have the strength to remove any negativity from your life if and when it is necessary. Thanks for sharing Vlad 🙂

  29. Reply

    Sharon Beauty Prime

    Beautifully written Sheri! I feel that it takes too much effort to be angry and by forgiving someone who did wrong, it feels like my burden has been lifted. Love your quote on the last para. xo

    1. Reply

      A Busy Bees Life

      Thank you Sharon, you are right about lifting the burden. 🙂

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